Since no one really will read this, I need to blog...probably to get this stuff out of my head, but perhaps to "say" it and make it "real". Since I've begun my journey in essential oils in my pursuit to live a "cleaner/healthier" life, the connection that oils have with OOLA has struck a chord with me.
They talk about living a purpose driven, balanced life. I have neither. And I feel SO LOST on how/where to start. Goals. Really? My goals consist of making it through the day--making it through the shift at work--making it through the work week. What am I working for? Essentially nothing. The paycheck each week. Keeping the lights on at my house. That's not really a "purpose" to me.
I used to think I had a "purpose". I used to think that I was "meant for something". Now when I read of an Oola life...I just want to sit down and cry. It literally brings me to tears. The total loss of direction or thought comes over me.
I am lost.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
get it
I know that I've said it more than once (usually in reference to either safety laws or dumb bike/skateboard tricks); but it is a wonder that we grew up at all. Not only that we survived to reach the "ripe old age of" whatever, but that we ever "got it". All of those life lessons that instil character in us. And I don't know what the magic combination is.
I don't know that I didn't "get it" when I was 13, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't put hardly any of it into practice until I was at least 20.... And as much as I don't want my children to go through those utter heartbroken moments in life (because I can remember crying over something and thinking that "my life is over"...blah, blah, blah); it's almost like we (dumb humans) HAVE to be at the bottom to rise to the top.
I honestly wonder sometimes if/how my kids are going to "turn out". I've been repeating myself for years (and I'm not stopping) saying the same things over and over...from simple things of "wash your hands" to all the life lesson things... I do wonder sometimes if it's sinking in.
I know I'm not the first parent in the world to wonder this; and I certainly won't be the last... But I do wonder what the parents of the "honor roll" kids are doing that I'm not...(oh, and if it's 'their kids homework--then it's ok--my children's grades are theirs--I did not do any of the work for them). And does that mean that I've missed something vital that my children will suffer for... I mean, I don't think (truly) that any of my children will be statistical information, and not that there's anything wrong with being "average"...but I, like all parents, want my kids to be the best. I for sure want them to be better than me.
I don't know that I didn't "get it" when I was 13, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't put hardly any of it into practice until I was at least 20.... And as much as I don't want my children to go through those utter heartbroken moments in life (because I can remember crying over something and thinking that "my life is over"...blah, blah, blah); it's almost like we (dumb humans) HAVE to be at the bottom to rise to the top.
I honestly wonder sometimes if/how my kids are going to "turn out". I've been repeating myself for years (and I'm not stopping) saying the same things over and over...from simple things of "wash your hands" to all the life lesson things... I do wonder sometimes if it's sinking in.
I know I'm not the first parent in the world to wonder this; and I certainly won't be the last... But I do wonder what the parents of the "honor roll" kids are doing that I'm not...(oh, and if it's 'their kids homework--then it's ok--my children's grades are theirs--I did not do any of the work for them). And does that mean that I've missed something vital that my children will suffer for... I mean, I don't think (truly) that any of my children will be statistical information, and not that there's anything wrong with being "average"...but I, like all parents, want my kids to be the best. I for sure want them to be better than me.
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
stuck
I was pretty sure that I've already gone through my mid-life crisis (unless you can have more than one--and if so, that stinks)...but, now I'm not so sure. I feel stuck. I'm not delusional to think that I can go to any other company and not "start off at the bottom"; but the paycheck that I make now cannot really change. We cannot really afford to have less than we do now. And where's that magical job? That pays the same as I make now (or more), with those wonderful days and super hours...??? Uh, huh.
I know that I really can go do anything--anywhere else--and be successful at it...but retail is what I have now spent more than a decade doing. And, I fear, that retail will be where I'm "stuck" the rest of my life. I'm good at my job, but doing something different really appeals to me. I don't know what I would go do, in particular, but I like the thought of "re-inventing" myself. I also know that starting over with a company or type of work comes at a cost...
All of life is a trade-off. You are constantly trading one thing for another. It all comes down to what holds the higher value to you..."happiness" at your job or the amount of your paycheck. I trade "good days/liking my job" for the amount of my paycheck. I know that there's no guarantee that I'll go to another job (in retail or not) and trade a lower paycheck for more "good days or happy at my job"...
Thus my conundrum. AND, then, on top of that I feel much like a whiny child. I've got this job. Now. I make this much money. Every week. But I don't "like" it...I want to do something different? (ungrateful much?)
Fortunately for me, this day and age enables me to be whiny in print for everyone to see...lol. =)
I know that I really can go do anything--anywhere else--and be successful at it...but retail is what I have now spent more than a decade doing. And, I fear, that retail will be where I'm "stuck" the rest of my life. I'm good at my job, but doing something different really appeals to me. I don't know what I would go do, in particular, but I like the thought of "re-inventing" myself. I also know that starting over with a company or type of work comes at a cost...
All of life is a trade-off. You are constantly trading one thing for another. It all comes down to what holds the higher value to you..."happiness" at your job or the amount of your paycheck. I trade "good days/liking my job" for the amount of my paycheck. I know that there's no guarantee that I'll go to another job (in retail or not) and trade a lower paycheck for more "good days or happy at my job"...
Thus my conundrum. AND, then, on top of that I feel much like a whiny child. I've got this job. Now. I make this much money. Every week. But I don't "like" it...I want to do something different? (ungrateful much?)
Fortunately for me, this day and age enables me to be whiny in print for everyone to see...lol. =)
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Loyalty
My thoughts, as of late, keep coming back to loyalty. It seems to me that loyalty is a one way street, where companies are concerned.
I feel loyalty towards the company for which I work. I perceive that to be a part of my work ethic (something that few seem to have anymore). And, even after 11 years with the same company, I still feel loyal to the name, place, and people. Although my "company man" attitude has waned over the years--especially being in management for so long--I still conduct myself with a sense of loyalty to the company.
It seems to me that the company (while expressing in their mission statement a desire to attain/retain customer loyalty) does not value the loyalty of their employees, nor does it reciprocate any loyalty towards them. "A Company" views that their responsibility towards their employees is given through monetary means. Tangible, quantifiable return to the employee. I believe that my paycheck (the monetary means) is a here and now exchange for my time and efforts in their building. After a decade of working for a company, my loyalty should be evident and rewarded with something more than a certificate and a $30 token/gift. Tenure with a company used to mean something.
Loyalty is intangible. It does not appear on paper. It cannot be "understood" by a corporation...therefore, cannot be "given" to an employee.
I think loyalty is all together lost in our society. Even as a customer (I was with the same cell provider for 8+ years...), I did not receive any "special treatment". Yes, I do believe I should get treated differently/better when they look up my account (because I need some help) and see that I've been "a member since".
Business only succeeds based on loyalty--yet it is something that eludes them still....
I feel loyalty towards the company for which I work. I perceive that to be a part of my work ethic (something that few seem to have anymore). And, even after 11 years with the same company, I still feel loyal to the name, place, and people. Although my "company man" attitude has waned over the years--especially being in management for so long--I still conduct myself with a sense of loyalty to the company.
It seems to me that the company (while expressing in their mission statement a desire to attain/retain customer loyalty) does not value the loyalty of their employees, nor does it reciprocate any loyalty towards them. "A Company" views that their responsibility towards their employees is given through monetary means. Tangible, quantifiable return to the employee. I believe that my paycheck (the monetary means) is a here and now exchange for my time and efforts in their building. After a decade of working for a company, my loyalty should be evident and rewarded with something more than a certificate and a $30 token/gift. Tenure with a company used to mean something.
Loyalty is intangible. It does not appear on paper. It cannot be "understood" by a corporation...therefore, cannot be "given" to an employee.
I think loyalty is all together lost in our society. Even as a customer (I was with the same cell provider for 8+ years...), I did not receive any "special treatment". Yes, I do believe I should get treated differently/better when they look up my account (because I need some help) and see that I've been "a member since".
Business only succeeds based on loyalty--yet it is something that eludes them still....
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Absolutely hilarious. I have not been on here (aside from my participation in PAD) in FOREVER. I just read my brilliant cousins blog on here and thought that I should actually blog...but, then again, I am nothing if not inconsistent in my life these days. (Oh, and I had to get on here and change where it said in my profile that I was 33 years old--that was SO 6 years ago).
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